Fighting the Fight

Yesterday, Sumis took a dramatic turn for the worse. After eating her lunch, I put her on the floor to prowl around for a bit, and she was unable to stand without falling or to walk any distance at all. While she has been a little ataxic since her seizures, this was significantly worse. At that point, I fell apart, knowing it was time. I wrapped her up in her Paws for Peace blanket and sat with her out in the sun, whispering to her that I would keep my promise. We called the specialty center and decided to take Sumis in to see the oncologist. At that point our intention was to run our decision by an objective third party and get a IV catheter placed so we could do an at home euthanasia. The oncologist assured us that it was okay to say goodbye now, that we had given Sumis every opportunity to rally and she had just not been able to get out in front of it. She also told us that because the GI lymphoma seemed to be responding to the chemo we could try a round of radiation therapy to try to lick what we think is lymphoma in her central nervous system (brain and spinal cord). She said that because lymphocytes are so responsive to radiation we would use a very low dose and the side effects would essentially non-existent. She also said we would know quickly, within 48 hours, if Sumis was going to respond. If she didn't respond dramatically that either meant that her neurologic symptoms were a result of a thromboembolic event (throwing clots) or a result of irreparable damage caused by the lymphoma. Regardless of which of these was the cause, if we don't see a dramatic change by the weekend, we have decided to say goodbye to Sumis and let her drift to the peace of the Rainbow Bridge. Even as I type these words, I feel like I am being gutted. But, I have a promise to keep and as to that I am unwavering.

So, Sumis received her first radiation treatment this morning. We were concerned about putting her under anesthesia because she is so sick, but we had decided that if she didn't make it through the procedure, it was her way of saying enough. And it would have been an equally peaceful way to go on her part. The oncology service was very gentle with us this morning. And Sumis did just fine under anesthesia. In fact, her blood pressure remained in the high normal range for the entire procedure. Sumis was treated with a cobalt machine and received radiation on both sides of her brain for about 3 minutes per side. She woke up from the procedure quickly and peacefully. As I write this entry, she is asleep on her bed, waking only here and there to glare at the barking dogs who are on high alert as a result of the cable repairman's vist this afternoon.

So, for now, we wait to see how she responds. In the meantime, she is comfortable, although tired. And very hungry. She even showed an interest in my lunch this afternoon. I must say that the waiting involved in these treatment protocols has been the hardest part - with seconds stretching to eons. And here we are again with 48 hours of anticipation, worry, and trepidation spanning before us. But as anyone who has loved an animal knows, this difficult ending process is made worth the pain by all the years of undying and unconditional love.